You have symptoms of a mood disorder, be it Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Bipolar Disorder. The fact that you had multiple suicidal attempts (you cut yourself previously more than once I presume) can be explained by the fact that you were under great stress and could not cope with this stress properly.
I urge you to seek psychiatric help as soon as possible to be able to stabilize your condition, and for you to learn how to deal with all kind of life stressors without resorting to self-destructive behavior, be it suicide or other extreme behaviors. You need a full evaluation as there may be other family members with the same or a similar issue. Your living conditions, relationships with family members, performance at school etc will be looked into in depth to identify the source of the problem and provide remediation.
first as dr ,dimassi pointed up ,you must seek psychiatric help to make full evaluation for your case and the causes that push you to such feelings and behavior,other thing is that you can make something for yourself not depending on others something that you feel in it that you are important so when anything happens you will not be so in it .
Its very urgent in your case to see and follow up with a psychiatrist.psychiatrists study years to be able to help people with sad mood.a psychiatrist will help you to figure out how to deal with your life stresses. He may prescribe some medications that will raise your mood and your self esteem. It's very important that you consult a psychiatrist as soon as possible.
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